Air Travel

Flights I tell you! They have definitely revolutionised the word 'travel' in every sense. What with these low cost carriers coming in, air travel has become more affordable surely. And not to forget the time they save on travel. But that hasn't really helped much actually! The airports being so far from the city especially in cities like Bangalore, it is surely a pain in the ass for people like me! I literally mean it when I say pain in the ass! Consider this: a typical Delhi-Bangalore travel (I work in Delhi while my hometown is Bangalore) is almost a day's schedule. 1.5 hours to the airport in Delhi (if I am lucky with the traffic), check-in an hour early at the airport (so as to weave my way through those serpentine security check queues - seems like Hanuman's tail at peak hours!), an almost 3 hour flight (spent in squeezing my legs, twisting and turning in those seats that seem like congested high school benches, only to realise there is no comfortable position at all!!), another 1.5-2 hour drive back home in Bangalore (do I need to mention the traffic again!). So many hours of sitting idle, definitely pity the ass!! And all that traffic! Ufff! Delhi keeps me on my toes, all the time in the traffic I am uttering a silent prayer wishing the cabbie doesn't either bang into someone or end up in a road rage tiff with anyone! Bangalore, being the cabbie land, emotions flow freely by honking, more the traffic, louder the honks, one second delay at any traffic signal, all hell breaks loose and noise pollution peaks! As I sit through all this roller coaster ride through the day, my mom calls me to discuss world problems, rather worldly problems. No it's not to talk about Trump and Hilary, it's even bigger than that "Will I have dinner or not, if yes what to cook for dinner"! Moms are just moms!! 

To talk about the luggage I chug along. I believe in travelling light. So one cabin size bag is what I usually carry home, that amazingly becomes oversized when coming back! And an extra backpack invariably appears too (Blame my mom for that extra love which ends up in me carrying apples from Bangalore to Delhi, she doesn't believe the 'lazy lazy lazy' me when I say the apple farms of Shimla are closer to Delhi!) Actually I've noticed that there's not much of a difference in the things I carry both ways. But the excitement of going home only makes me pack diligently while the dreariness of getting back to work just makes me a slack packer with the only target being to get things into the suitcase! Maybe I am a tad bothered about my dad's opinions too. I always rush home and throw open my suitcase in excitement to distribute the gifts I've carried for my family. I am a little keen to project that 'responsible' image of myself to my perfectionist dad and so take efforts to pack in a presentable manner. On the way back who cares! Anyways I should only unpack, be it after a week's delay! So to hell with diligence!!! 

Now coming to the interesting part. What do I do on those long flights? Well I always try and use those times productively! Duh!! Or so I plan and trust me I actually think of a to-do list as well (waste of energy and time!) The take off and landing still excite me as always. Especially if it's a window seat near the wings. It's just fun to see the different decks on the wings open, slide and close depending on the flight position, and then sit and wonder why on Earth didn't I become an aeronautical engineer! On days I get those aisle seat I literally have to strain my neck to get a glimpse outside the window. And there is always that nosey co-traveller who'll jerk back and forth in the seat next to you, blocking your access to the window. At such times it takes a lot of self restraint to act like you don't care and still smile at them! Once in the air, music is first on the list followed by a nice book to read. I seem to portray that good obedient kid who sticks to plans and schedules. Oh yes! For ten minutes! Then the book is shut, music though stays on with least focus on the song, while I try and put myself to sleep. I know I can't sleep while travelling, yet seeing others sleep is so tempting. I try and fool myself to sleep while the to-do list goes down the drain. The phase of trying to sleep yet unable to is sheer torture. An idle mind is a devil's workshop seriously. For all the happenings on earth, here I am overthinking and drawing unwanted conclusions in the air! The worse of all are those conversations that replay and I decide how I could've reacted differently or the futuristic conversations and situations that I plan and the things I will say. To date none of those futuristic plans have worked, not a bit! Oh yes no thoughts for guessing I turn into a maniac in the air! The only rescue being the pilot and the cabin crew whispering sweet nothings over the public address system (the altitude at which I should put on my seat belt or the dropping oxygen mask and how to pull out that hidden life jacket - have you ever tried finding it under the seat? Just curious!). Most of the flights have these cute/good looking/gorgeous air hostesses, the men folk are the happier lot. With airhosts being the outnumbered lot (so much for gender equality in the air!), women like me are left staring at the air hostess' hairdo and makeup and appreciating their patience and dedication towards it. Did I tell you about the menu on board? It's like raiding someone's (particularly a bachelor's) refrigerator after a party - peanuts, cup noodles, soft drink, sandwiches gone cold and the likes (the portion sizes on board are equal to that of party leftovers)! And with all that shopping and sale of items on board, soon there will be a 'delivery in air' option on ecommerce sites. Book a ticket on XYZ flight and get parcel from Am**on onboard!

A lot of people get lucky on these flights. They meet interesting co-travellers, have enlightening conversations, some make good friends, some find dating partners too. And me, I tick none of the above. I am one among those who are kinda unlucky on board. There maybe that kid sitting right behind me and kicking my seat all the time. And when I glare at the kid, the parent conveniently says "he's just a kid"! I was a kid too once and I wouldn't dare to disturb someone this way. Or it could be that guy with those long legs sitting behind me and stretching up to kick my legs every single time! Dude com'on! Same ticket price same leg room! Or another lucky instance of that hale and healthy uncle snoring loudly next to me right in my ears. I wish I could just shake him up but the better sense in me screams 'Bad manners' and so I end up revving up my headphones to block out the snore. Not really helped many a times! And if you thought that was worse, no! What's worse is the tussle for the armrests (reminds you of PVR cinemas is it?). God! Why don't they make rules as to which side belongs to whom! Like on my current flight, the person next to me just owned that armrest for the entire journey and I was left to think of ways to seize a little territory on the armrest. Tired I gave up my quest once up in the air. But he wasn't satisfied. He had to be the 'Peeping Tom'. That's my nickname for all those people who think it's their business to peep into my phone and check what I am doing. Heck! My parents have never done it and these strangers acting like policemen! You just find them everywhere, the over curious types who can't mind their own business! And he didn't stop there. I had shut my eyes, earphones on, with my mind playing the devil's advocate, when he just shook me up vigorously. For a moment I thought it's some emergency landing and now I can use all the gyaan given by the air hostess (for all those times I've listened to her and even read through the instruction manual in the seat pocket!). No, as I said I am too optimistic! He only wanted to convey the meal is coming! Duh!!! You can just pat me and I'll look up, why act like we're landing on the Hudson! The actual reason why he woke me up is even better. He wanted to know if I am travelling to Goa. Bangalore-Delhi direct flight where does Goa figure in... unless I decide to skydive which I had no plans to. Even more interesting is that he wanted to convey where he was headed to - Kazakhstan! (he still thinks it's part of Russia) Poor chap wanted to share his excitement with someone and all he found was a disinterested co-traveller! I wish him better luck on the next leg. 

Now about that arrival. At the first stroke of a touchdown, even as the flight is still taxi-ing and the poor pilot is yet to find a parking spot, there's always that over enthusiastic dude on board who'll open his seat belt, jump from the seat, retrieve the luggage and wait for the doors to open! The others, for the fear of being detained on board, follow suit. I never get what's the rush, anyways end up waiting at the baggage belt. And when my baggage turned up first on the belt, the over enthusiastic dude gave me those 'how on earth' looks! I should've reacted like those beauty pageant queens or shown him a thumbs-up at the least. Sorry dude, my heartfelt sympathies are with you. 

The exit from the airport. When younger, I always fancied having someone receive me at the airport with that name board (stupid fancies I know, blame Bollywood!) - never happened. Now it always gets fulfilled - the Volvo bus conductors and the numerous cab drivers (not just one or two but in hordes) eagerly await my arrival! Sans the name board ofcourse. At least someone has turned up, so fantasy fulfilled! If at all I need to settle scores with someone in Bangalore, I'll ask them to receive me at the airport - 4 beautiful hours of the day spent in admiring the windscreen of the car while the calf muscles get completely toned thanks to the continuous brake-accelerate rhythm!

Ok its touch down at Delhi. Before I succumb to the maladies of burning eyes and coughing fits (pollution levels are way worse than what I thought) I'll hopefully follow up with another post. Till then Tadaaaa....